PHILLY ACCENT 101
YIZ GOTTA TALK THE TALK
Listen up Hollywood and listen good - PHILADELPHIANS DO NOT TALK LIKE MARBLE-MOUTHED, PUNCH-DRUNK BUMS FROM BROOKLYN.
Rocky got the Philadelphia accent totally wrong. Invincible got it wrong too. Tina Fey sort of has it down, but not quite. Philadelphia Story, Trading Places, Silver Linings Playbook, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and The Goldbergs don't even try.
Hollywood pays screenwriters and consultants a fortune to make movies and TV shows that are "authentic" in every detail, and yet when making a movie or TV show set in Philadelphia, it never occurs to them that the characters should sound like actual Philadelphians.
Well, that's about to change. Welcome to Philly Accent 101, bozos. Class is now in session.
And another thing...
How come everyone who speaks English with an accent and does NOT come from Philadelphia is considered elegant, funny, or charming? Julie Andrews. "Crocodile Guy" Steve Irwin. Lumière. Monty Python. Austin Powers. Zsa Zsa Gabor. The Kennedy family. Shrek. Dolly Parton. Fat Bastard. Bob Marley. The entire cast of Fargo.
And those oh-so-quaint expressions. “Always after me Lucky Charms.” “Da Bears.” “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?” “I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnnniggets.” What do people say? “Oh how cute! Oh how witty! Let me imitate your accent so I can be charming and cute and witty just like you!”
But then when you try to speak with a Philadelphia accent, what’s everyone's response? “Shut up, you ignoramus, and learn how to speak English! You’re embarrassing yourself!”
Enough already – we Philadelphians are very proud of our accent! We’re just as elegant, charming and witty as the rest of you. So how's about a little less addy-tewd and a little more graddy-tewd?
